So every Tuesday, I pick up my friend's from preschool and drive him to his dad's. His name is Adryin and he's 4 and adorable. Every time I pick him up, we usually talk about what he did at school, which he never seems to remember haha. We talk about snacks or how things work or are made.
Last week, we were discussing Optimus Prime and Megatron. He's been on a transformers kick and I got him transformers toys for Christmas. So, it's a topic we frequently cover as of late. We were talking about how Optimus Prime is a good guy and Megatron is a bad guy. Adryin was telling me how Optimus Prime always wins and always beats the bad guy. He was chirping happily in his car seat, swaying his arms and kicking his legs with joy and then suddenly stopped. He looked at his hands then out the window. Adryin looked to me and asked very quietly " Onas, why are there bad guys?" Usually, I have a pretty quick response to his questions, which are always in great abundance due to his age and natural curiosity. This one though, stumped me.
How do you explain to a child that some people make decisions that are "bad" or mean? Explain that sometimes, people make choices that hurt other people without regard to that fact? Tell him that some people choose to live their lives in a selfish manner and only think of themselves? It's such a simple question but I don’t think many of us honestly know. We can only guess. I am not a religious person so I didn't want to tell him that evil exists because the devil influences people's actions. I didn't want to give him the typical response of "they just do exist." I asked him, to buy myself time to think, "That's a good question. Why do you think there are bad guys?" He's a smart kid though and immediately responded “I don't know.... do you know why?”
I said the first thing that came to mind, “People aren't bad, some of their decisions are. I think people do bad things because they're unhappy." He asked without hesitation, “Why are they unhappy?" Yet another question that triggers a slew of tough answers. Cycles of bad decisions the breed more bad decisions from other generations, from lack of love, acknowledgment or kindness surrounding them, lack of support....the list goes on. I didn't think diving into all of these morose topics with a 4 year old was a good idea. So, instead I told him " because they aren't told enough that people love them and that's why it's important to be nice to people. It's important to tell the people you are close to that you love them and acknowledge when they do nice things often to help them want to make choices that are good."
He looked at me through the mirror from the backseat. He responded quickly " Oh, okay. Well I love you Onas." Kids say the darndest things. He's growing up to be a sweet boy. I hope when I have kids I am more prepared for questions like these but for now, I think that sufficed. I guess all you can do it try to plant the seed in their heads. His mother has done a great job of that. None of us have the answers but I guess we'll all continue searching whether you're four, twenty three, one hundred and three or anything in between. Keep reminding yourself to love those around you and to tell them that you love them whenever you can. If hate breeds more hate than surely, love breeds more love. We need more of that these days.
